And then you get people who let it go there and people who keep fishing (where are your parents from? etc etc because they think its impolite to ask WHAT are you, but they really really want to know, so they know what stereotypes to assign you, as you said, or even because theyre just curious, like youre an object). Silly Friend: do you want to do (thing)? No way. Anyway, the grad students said one woman asked, How do you think she got like that? and others nodded with pursed lips, agreeing that there was something wrong there. The Im entitled to your assistance is the MINOR part of this.). men. I love that you are into mountain biking! Totally fair and perfectly polite. And if its clearly just conversation, (and you want to participate further) offer up something else, Sometimes I might even say, its okay if you dont want to, its not urgent, but I was wondering if you could possibly help babysit Saturday? Thank you. The only tricky part I have encountered so far is if you actually say you are busy doing [thing] and instead have planned to watch the Winter Olympics with your cat, perhaps do not write an update about that to Facebook. I know this is a small complaint, in the grand scheme of things, and I usually handle it by changing the subject to something Im interested in if I *do* feel like conversing. You enjoy making this girl smile and make her day with your humor. Its also pretty casual, and most people automatically reply to that question because its so common. Not every parent who expects stuff from their kid is unreasonable. That question from certain people stresses me too! Personally what works for me to feel non-imposed-upon is for someone to either tell me I have time to think about it, say hey if you cant I understand or similar, and generally act like they care about my opinions, feelings, and consent. "Weekends are days to refuel your soul and to be grateful for the blessings that you have." - Anonymous 2. If someone asks me the question, I am happy, because that means they are probably inviting me somewhere. Are you planning something?. 14 "It was a riot! She looks so comfortable. Of course, you might have said that when you know that movie will be out for weeks and youd absolutely prefer to have an excuse to build a couch cushion fort and have an audience who is actually impressed by your terrible magic tricks, and no one wins. Nothing much. Even when its not meant as a hostile act (merely as an exoticising one thats so cool/I used to want to travel there/is it true that people there do x) being othered never feels welcoming. Other Half keeps the diary, I need to check.. These guys then hope the girl will then respond with relating a fun anecdote, to which the guy will respond by asking a question or two to keep her talking, and then hell think, Great! LW was quite clear that the coercive uses of it are the problem that makes LW resentful, which is not at all an extreme response, but a healthy one.
7 Funny Responses to "What Are You Going to do with Your Life?" Catching up on sleep, doing chores, spending time with my partner. What is the stuff?? Thats a great answer! I think with the people I know it is fairly mutually asked for that reason. etc. I love you. And do you trust the asker not pull a But you SAID you were free, that means YOU PROMISED!(for me, someone who puts pressure on/pouts/lays on a guilt trip after I say no to an invitation gets an automatic LOL NOPE FOREVER response. I usually just say Im doing laundry. We can debate all day whether that should be true, but it is. Can I get back to you later? In truth that is an honest answer, my schedule would fall like a house of cards without my calendar and unless it is an emergency I truly have to check it. Ill do it anyway, but saying it that way doesnt make it somehow not an order, Mom! I think this is an expected thing for women to do. As in, What are you doing? is another way of asking What are your hobbies?. Ill have to check with E and let you know is super convenient. I went to a lot of meetings I did not want to go because of this, cause I pretty much was cornered into it after admitting I have not set plans.. But I like to think that Im better at saying no now, even though people do sometimes react badly. I make a special point to not do that, not even if the thing Im asking for help with is sort of non-negotiable. Later the grad students said the table turned to remarking on the professor as soon as she was out of earshot, including their surprise that she could be a professor of engineering. It doesnt sound like a lot of fun to me, though. My mom recently moved from but why? to Ok, I guess you dont love me which is actually a sign things are going my way because its not a direct question. Id like to do a bit better with my own kids. A professor I studied under said she, without thinking about it, had an automatic habit of spotting people likely to do that oh Im so nice to your differentness type of racism and trying to run interference to keep them from saying that crap around her grad students. How about you? might be more the way to communicate what you have in mind. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. Is it OK to invite the usual people? And it happens often enough, with friends/family/acquaintances, that it can get annoying, but I generally dont jump straight to why do you ask unless theyve previously over-stepped in presuming my time was theirs since Im doing nothing (that I want them to know about or feel like talking about). Im actually really surprised at how many people have expressed that they find this question neutral small talk and/or dont understand why it can feel so loaded. Figuring out how my plans fit together is my problem, not anyone elses. My instinct leads me to: answer back in the affirmative (great) because Performing Happy is expected of us, thank them for their interest (thanks), and repeat the gesture (yourself?). If people cant come, you still have plans with the one friend! No, seriously, TheDukeDevlin has the correct answer. 1. For example, when Sean Hayes started to sing "beautifully" on the show, Ellen said, "Ok, we have to take a break.". It changed how I felt about her for a long time. What are you up to this weekend? sounds like small talk, though it obviously depends if the asker is a known power-player. It still feels awkward, even though I do not think she is trying to manipulate me or claim my time. They are called Saturday and Sunday." - Anonymous 3. 7. Remember, . My Kid: No (shuts door) Me: Working. Or something. Amusing to think of borrowing a line from upthread: Well, it sounds like youre inviting me to something interesting! Or, if I tell a potential date some generic things (oh, probably reading and writing a lot) and add that Id like to take a break so they know Im open, Im engaging in the same coy behavior thats bothering me in the first place. (Right Now): What are you doing sometimes means at the very present in which activity are you involved in? I never thought about the fact that some people might be actually trying to relieve the pressure! Something like this happens every single time. Would it be possible for you in [date]. In my experience small-talking cashiers/customer service people, giving them an opening to chat is the surest way to get out of having to fill the conversation myself. Lets get together. But you have never issued a direct invitation to me in your life. It shows that you're a calm and cool person who is easy to talk to and has no problem whether someone says hey or hello. They dont really need the details, and wouldnt know what to do with them. As far as I can tell both we should hang out sometime/lets have lunch and yeah, we should can translate to you are a nice person I have run into on the street or to I want to see you, lets make plans.. I think feeling unsafe crosses the line where a relationship cant be repaired. Like, say you pretend to take up crochet, and designate working on my crochet projects/gifts as your backup plan, and so when people you know are assholes about this ask you have the backup plan. But why would you feel entitled to her time to help with party favors for a party youre throwing? So threatening to make her move out is just not wise. It can often be an explain why youre a POC kind of thing in many countries with white majorities, and seen as a whole (its a super widespread phenomenon) it shows how far away our societies are from truly accepting themselves are diverse. LW has a LOT of reason to be bugged by this approach to seeking a date it carries a hefty implied threat because of what abusive men in our society have built it into en masse. Dont ask each of us the same question. Am I supposed to answer? If people volunteer that theyre from somewhere far away whether they have a recognizable accent or not I might ask what made them choose this tiny place to move to. My go-to script for these (which I HATE) is an equally noncommittal, Why, whats up? Im not saying I do or dont have plans, but Im going to figure out why theyre asking me the question. It's time to break the silence and let her know that she shouldn't be nosing into your business when her life isn't anything special. You know, I just had a *very* amusing misunderstanding with a facebook friend who was ranting about MLM (which I thought was the wlw type of MLM). Follow. And for that age range of teens into mid-twenties, its developmentally normal to not adult well in spaces/tasks/areas of endeavor where they cannot do so unsurveilled by childhood parental authority figures, but to abruptly adult extremely well and competently when freed from that surveillance. I use this regularly, as does most of my social group. It's nice that they want to know about your plans, but their curiosity can feel more like an interrogation. ), (4) I just found a salamander, can I put it in your mouth?. YOU WILL NEVER FORGET THIS VIDEO. You wonder where he'll take you. I might not feel quite as entitled to her time, but Id probably still think there were some things I could ask of her that shed be wrong to refuse. I sympathize with their reasons for having trouble planning, but I also do find it a little irksome that they only initiate actual plans once a year for their birthday while still making all the sounds about wanting to hang out. Every weekend! Glad that this day is not that worse. Shampooing the grass. Funny Mom Quotes (and Sayings) You always say Im working on my crochet projects this weekend. k. Yes, I think theres a fairly clear difference between people who ask as small talk (for example, when youre both waiting for the microwave in the staffroom, or waiting at the bus stop after work) and when its done how LW specifies. 3. Sometimes, answering a question with a question is the best strategy. (If they didnt mean an invitation) I have a friend that would ask me what Im doing and when I say, Nothing the next thing is, Well, lets meet for lunch and then irritation and shock when I say Id rather not. And suddenly many things became clear. Now the only person allowed to see my personal calendar is my husband, who is completely uninterested. Its all back to the lines of dominance and power again. There are at least two distinct why do you ask? which are sadly distinguished only by tone. Yeah, I do the same. Another example: My parents both corrected their local accents to American Standard Television English long before I was born, so I grew up with that accent myself. Nothing very interesting. Had it been a long time since shed asked him? Ive found that Why do you ask? comes across as a little cold or accusatory over text, but can be really warm/ friendly in person or over the phone. My workmates and I ask all the time stuff like what are you up to tonight/on the weekend? and its almost never a prelude to inviting them to something, its just small talk sharing our lives. Obviously Im talking here about people Im friendly with, not friend-friends, but I cant imagine having got to the stage of being friends with someone who was inclined to rebuff me expressing interest in their life. I have friends who do that, along with a SIL, and I also find it stressful/annoying. I slept for twelve minutes while perching on top of my desk like a bird! Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 815K subscribers Subscribe 3K Share 53K views 7 months ago #vanessavanedwards #conversation #communication How. Numbered point 4 specifically says LW doesnt understand why people are asking this, hence the many explanations of different reasons people ask, and while the possible manipulation is noted in numbered points 2 and 3, its not the only thing LW is asking about, while point 3 suggests to me that LW may well be reading manipulation into cases where people are just curious or are actually trying to do the planning themselves (by finding out if LW is even available for a possible activity), not trying to make zir do the planning, as ze suspects. Then, I asked her, why did she ask ME? I would much rather receive hey want to check out the Frida Kahlo photography exhibit? or are you free to take the kids for a few hours??? If it is in fact a lead up to an invitation or request I can always either find room for it or say I dont have time. I know it is super common usage as a general term for silly / disorganised but its actually an ablist term which a lot of people with disabilities have had thrown at them as a slur. The other day I got into this conversation with a mum I have to say mum colleague rather than mum friend, because her kid is in the same class as my kids and we seem to hang out quite a lot but shes an extreme extrovert and I am really not, and I see more of her than I would really choose to if I had to seek her out. Him: Nothing fun? .except I have a ton of folks in my life who literally ask this to trap me into doing things for them, so thinking their intent is innocuous after being shown time and again it isnt, doesnt necessarily fit the bill- specifically based on the reasoning LW gives. Good luck! But yeah. Helen Huntingdon, I dont want you to think Ive dismissed all your argumentsyouve certainly given me pause and gotten me to think about what my expectations are. I would say something like:"what have you done with yours so that i can learn what to do or avoid.".
Thoughts When He Texts "What Are You Doing This Weekend?" - Bolde This suitable during the Halloween period. Open your mouth and close your eyes andhold on, it got away., (1) Want to have dinner sometime? Him: Good. And I had to say to her, over the airport thing: Act like a grownup. 200 Sarcastic Quotes 1. I also feel compelled to give easy ways out when I feel like Im making a request, including ending requests with and no is a perfectly acceptable answer.. Youre my first choice, but you are not my last hope., (3) So, I know this is a little awkward, but recently Ive realized I like you in a um well, in a romantic way, and I would love it if we could maybe go out on a date sometime and see how that goes? I should have specified that this particular woman was white, of a european background, and when she elaborated it was pretty clear that she was getting the I am genuinely curious about you variety of the question and not the You arent REALLY one of us implication. These people arent trying to gotcha! In fact this letter reminds me a lot of a lady I knew once who moved to the US from a different english-speaking country and took offense to people asking her where she was from when they heard her accent.
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