if you want to get married for children just understand that your wife will stop wanting to have sex with you after she gets her babies. It has been 5 very long years for me. She is intelligent and knows exactly what is going on. Invariably, its a case of emotional intimacy missing. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. 4. Good luck to you all and hope the juices start flowing soon for those that feel deprived. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. I am not willing to live the last 15-20 years of my life without affection, at least. Thats a depressing thought too. Thats whats even more hurtful. I actually envy those that are single. Even books on men not wanting sex place the responsibility on the woman. I have tried everything too, to no avail, things only get worse, not better. Why do men who want more sex end up insulting someone who has a pet? I know this because that is what I do, but I have never been more unhappy in my life. Want to continue the conversation? Make time when you are both relaxed. Oh, and me driving the car, she has panic attacks and asks I dont drive. You bet. })(); I cant hurt her, no way! I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! I dont know where to start. For many of us, male and female, the virtue of sex resides in the shared experience. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. I still love my husband because our relationship doesnt revolve around sex and we can show each other love and affection in many other ways. No human being should dominate another person. She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. How I wish the girls would ask ME to dance at school dances. Then it was just plain no, Im not sexually turned in. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? My wife has no desire for . You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. However if these women get divorced they have a sexual oasis spring up again between their legs because they need to find a new nest. Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. "Not everyone needs emotional connection for sex to be great, but in long-term relationships, the lack of connection can be a huge factor in a person's desire to have sex with their partner," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., writes at mbg. . Quick and fast is also good. I still plan/need to continue working in a high tech job many hours a week, with excellent insurance, which is fortunate, and there is no way she can drive or work for several decades now. Bitter? Being in a sexless marriage is great, we havent had sex, intimacy togetherness for 40 years. Mates but l want to .feel loved , should l hang lt up and move on ty. It is time to say, I am horny as hell, and I am tired of pretending I am not because I am over 50!. Take your time and show your wife youre not in a hurry. Not many people enter their senior years wit an active sex life, some do, but not many. Perhaps your husband, as well as a few troglodytes posting here, are in need of some attitude adjustments, but you shouldnt paint all men with the same brush. So not only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. So much hurt involved, and guilt. My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. Hi Mary If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. He may still be impotent after surgery, no guarantees. Then,move on. A very wise woman my grandma. We lost our virginity to each other well before our marriage so often, in fact, that on our wedding night we decided we were too tired from the events of the week and just went to bed to sleep. Theres more to life than that, theres more to life than escapingtheres connecting deeper with your partner, taking more trips, spending more time together, learning more skills, building or supporting others together, getting involved in your communities more! Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. Women are very conscious about their bodies in general. well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. Do we risk our grown children finding out and not understanding? */ I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your romantic side over time, but it doesnt have to be that way. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. Just curious. They learn to accept the situation and carry on with life. I am new to this. I think he wanted to stay in his marriagemainly I think b/c his wife earns well (makes more money than him). , motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. At your age, dont run until you exhaust all your options. Be truthful. Hello Hawkeye We were easy pickings since that biological clock was ticking louder and she still hadnt landed Chad. Meanwhile, I encourage you to keep masturbating. What Im getting from these posts is that woman dont even want to try alternative ways to fulfill their husbands. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. If the lack of interest becomes an ongoing pattern, consider any of the above potential reasons. Some could be related to body image issues, prior sexual sin, or abuse. I can literally be ready with just a thought. If you want to romance her at 11 p.m., you need to understand that she needs time to sleep! she adds. As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. You should consider a strap on dildo, the size and width are your choice. I had suggest different ways to have sex and she blew up, I was bored and suggested maybe trying different ways, right away I was a pervert and she called me names that shouldnt be repeated here and kicked out of bed. var d = document, s = d.createElement('script'); Wednesday, August 30, 2017 I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. Once youre accustomed to porn, youve trained your brain to need it. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. But maybe if shes willing to try your weekly sex date again, she might find that once youve aroused her, the mood sails in. 1. If these thoughts are not at the forefront of your relational mind, well, your (our) love(s) and relationships may in fact die. Dianne. Sound off: What are some other practical things you can do as a husband to increase intimacy? It is equally open to the man to be charitable by eating alone. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. by *someone!! He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. Not!! In other cases, it can also be if youve betrayed her trust in the past. When theres a disconnect and communication gaps that lead to resentment, the hostility will make itself apparent in some way or the other, says Gopa. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Lame! I wouldnt even care if he watched or joined. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. Thank you Jeff! I am 60 and my wife has zero interest in sex, was never real sexual, but after menopause, it is zero. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. Regards Glenn. And now we are old and the chance of my wife changing are now nil. Our marriage was sexless because I couldnt perform so we started seeing various kinds of Therapists but after 5 years we had no luck. She even said to me that I should leave if I am not happy, she prefers that I do not, but basically what she is saying is that if I want to stay, this is the way its going to be. You ever think about getting some on the side? He is correct, the therapists want you to have hope so they can have the clients, I spent plenty on it and made numerous loving conversations. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. I wish you well and hope you find some consolation I went through marital counseling before the wedding. You can usually put these triggering events into two main categories. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls? Ive slept in my own bedroom for 43 of those years. Wills comment is more true than not (and certainly not far from true). Start your own discussion on this topic on Senior Planet Community. If thats the reason why your wife avoids intimacy, you have to drive home the importance of intimacy between a couple for a happy, healthy marriage. For the months it was possible, I felt like a real man again, and much stronger at home and work. She wanted me to be sexual with her, but would not reciprocate. Spice up your appearance. She will sit in bed on her phone though. And Ive been caught too. If that is the way you feel I will respect that, but I need YOU to understand and RESPECT my needs. It could mean that your wife is experiencing changes in her mental health or there is an unresolved issue in your relationship. The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. Im really suffering. Help her through this transition andensure that she feels confident, no matter what changes her body has gone through. My sex drive is strong but now my boyfriend, who is 5 years older than me, is on hypertension medicine and his testosterone is on the last number of normal. Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. Bob, my wife is the same way, says she feels bad she has zero interest in sex, but doesnt offer anything like oral or HJ either. But. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. I do not want to out her to the family as they all adore her. But just remember, mature willing women are unicorns. But dont give up! I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. Who risks? Also, look into the idea of responsive desire and make sure you understand it. This is how civilizations are built. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. If there's no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and you've realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobology's panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for.
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