April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm.
You do know that birth control isnt 100% effective, right? iseeshiny exactly hes allowed to not want to be a father, but be smarter about birth control. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood. Hi. ColorsOfTheWind And those rapists who raped them get the money? A better comparison would be a woman abandoning her child in a shelter, etc- and while Im happy there is an option for truly desperate people (who often have major issues, mental illness, abuse, etc), I do think that doing that rather than going through a traditional adoption channel is a pretty scummy thing to do. But that doesnt mean she has the right to be angry at this man either. And if your original point was that gay men are smart enough to use condoms but that heterosexual couples seem too dumb to do so, that 1M number implies youre wrong. He doesnt want to be with you. April 9, 2012, 5:13 pm. In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. female
Paternity laws in this country absolutely suck. I think she is just trying to trap my man, who is untrappable.
8 Things To Think About If Your Ex Girlfriend is Pregnant Again, this was the perfect time to walk away, and end it with him. If you want something different, you must do something different. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. While I stand by my statements about this woman being a total idiot, etc., and the fact that I dont think anyone was calling him scum for having sex with someone after he broke up with his girlfriend, I will say that I agree with the idea that its unfair for guys that they have no say in keeping or aborting but will be on the hook for child support even if they wanted the mother to have an abortion. Adoptive parents are as capable as any others of deciding that having a child isnt right for them, that they werent as prepared for it as they thought, and that the child isnt really theirs, and theyre as likely to have other major negative events in their lives as anyone. OK, this is going to be longer than it should, but I have reactions to several things. What a door mat you are! Someone else has assumed it. (youve already split for two months, for reasons you didnt even mention). I dont think its necessarily fair. A kid is not a building. Just a suggestion for your scumbag boyfriend. Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part.
Its very comforting to hear and I hope to do as good of a job as your mother did. Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. There is a chance it isnt his. You want to be a slave to a prick like him? . We only have sex if were ready to be a father? LW, take a step back and think about what you would tell one of your girlfriends in a similar situation. And I appreciate that he made his decision and stuck with it, instead of deciding to drop in and out whenever he felt like. He apologized for not telling me sooner. Stuff like this really grinds my gears. SweetsAndBeats We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. He says he cant stand her? And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. There are any number of cases where under-age males, 12 years old, 14 years old, 16 years old, get hit for child support because the female teacher who statutorily RAPED them got pregnant. Oh, me too! Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. The female of the species carry the offspring. John Rohan unfortunately, ive seen more than one person take pills the wrong way (whether it be because they forget, dont take it at exactly the same time, dont pay attention to warnings about drug interactions, etc). The choice to get pregnant was mutual. The guy started dating someone else. My biological father, whom Ive never met, responsibly paid child support and didnt confuse me by dropping in and out of my life. It only says he asked her to. Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. -Is furious with her for keeping her baby If he decides to abandon his child, he is. Because you sound about 17. Relax. Argh. Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years. The memories you two have together are yours and yours alone. That line of reasoning is fine but condescending only for those who never in their entire lives have ever done anything that might have resulted in something unexpected (and unwanted) happening. I have to take the stance that it is no ones responsibility but their own to make sure they dont get STDs. This is so hard for me. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. You have no idea what youre talking about, with regard to child support. Weird question. Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. If you have any self respect, dump the sob. Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. female
If he isnt willing to be there for his kid, wanted or not, then what happens when you get pregnant? Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child. Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. Its biology. LW, this guy sounds like a scumbag. I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. You dont honestly believe that logic that applies to one situation should be applied to all situations, do you? Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK. You cant live without food. If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan It is time to take a hard honest look at yourself and why you really want to be in a relationship with a man that wants to be with someone else. Absolutely, positively, 100% wrong. What a joke. Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. But, in that case as well I would have told the woman to make sure in the future she better protected herself. Malarky. And, you are not the choice. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? John Rohan iseeshiny If he was the kinda guy that decided he wanted to be in his childs life every 5 years when it was convenient and made promises that he never kept and lost interest after a while, that would be seriously damaging to that childs sense of self-worth. It was her choice. Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! Youre right Leroy- the really crazy, dramatic ones are the minority and I tend to ignore them as well. Knock it off. August 24, 2019, 2:54 pm. I have no problem with single people with children who put their kids above the girlfriend/boyfriend and at the beginning of the adjustment period, over the new spouse. She left me for him and and now wants me back. Also I take that because your boyfriend knew she was on the pill he didnt use a condom. Guy Friday In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. He didnt invest in your relationship. April 9, 2012, 6:41 pm, bittergaymark Scummy is the wrong word to use. The more you fight for another womans man, the more desperate you look. There is no child at conception very good. female
Run. A douchenozzle? Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. Sigh. 2. As much as men have some inherent advantages, women do as well, and one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met. I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. You can have a relationship with someone with a child but you have to be ready for it. iseeshiny I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can. It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. Abandoning a child does. This is when we see rebound relationships. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. He does have the right to change his mind about how involved hed like to be. Whoever is saying otherwise is simply wrong. I assume from the debate that this has become a fact that was inferred due to the women being on birth control. Have you ever seen an episode of the Maury show or any other talk drama show? They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, clickHERE! That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? Respect her decision. When you ended it you knew it was over. Oh, good lord. But the kid is coming, and if your BF is a decent guy, he *should* be there for his child (if he doesnt come around eventually, you may need to consider if hes someone worth being with). Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. I weep for the younger folks out there. Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. Women dont get off requiring men to do it. I dont think anyones saying that. I wouldnt advocate using the pull-out method alone, but if some stranger says Its cool, Im on the Pill and you dont *quite* believe her and you dont have a condom, I guess it wouldnt hurt. So what? That woman, Kaihla Rettinger, gave birth to the model-turned-Midtown South cop's son on Nov. 5, Radar reported three days after McLoughlin, 27, met Lambert, 35, while she was performing on . Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. And aborting a pregnancy is also something that is a very difficult thing for many women. Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW.
Has your childs father left you during pregnancy then came back? April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. SpaceySteph Just keep right on thinking about yourselves as so many of you seem so want to do. And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. But anyway, in case its not fake if this guy isnt lying about only knowing this woman for two minutes then yeah, shes an idiot for wanting to keep the baby. We were on and off for few months, and during that time we both dated other people. She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. Actions have consequences.
How To Handle A Breakup When You're Pregnant, Because It Happens - Romper reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A
But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. The child support goes to support the child. female
It is my biggest pet peeve when a woman blames the other woman for her boyfriends stupid actions. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. Having legal custody doesnt guarantee you or prevent you from paying support. Nothing about that makes him a bad person. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. iseeshiny The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. =), lets_be_honest No real comment from me today. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. Um, I dont think anyone actually said that. Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. Especially since, had he been the woman and felt the same way, he would have quietly aborted the child without inviting half the scorn hes received here. My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. Male rape victims notwithstanding, men control where their sperm goes. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. Clearly it is horribly wrong to lie about that but thats not the argument here. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today.
Here's Why Your Ex Keeps Texting You After The Breakup Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. lets_be_honest Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. Will he react the same?
But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. SweetsAndBeats To everyone. My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. evanscr05 Oh thank you thank you thank you! Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. Trap Red Flag #1. . Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? He knew it but was willing to take that risk just like any man does when they engage in sex with a woman. Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying. Nope, none of it matters. Do you want to talk about how a baby is made? Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. So he literally now has to reap what he sows as the consequences of his actions. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. And she doesnt have to be a liar to have been on antibiotics, thus rendering the pill largely ineffective. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. And the fact is, biology dictates that women have control once a pregnancy has occurred- not just the legal system. People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. In my opinion, a deadbeat leaves his child, abandons the mother, and offers no financial support. There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. Youre more than welcome. April 10, 2012, 9:46 pm. Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. doesnt she have friends to tell her just say no to neon macrome?), we judge who our friends date and marry, we judge everything, usually based on what we would do. However, since the pregnant ex of the LWs ex seems to want the child and seems to know the guys take on it, it is apparently her decision to bring a child into that reality. April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. You know, I dont have much patience this morning,.
Go back and reread the original letter starting with the part where hes furious with the woman he impregnated. People who say that are codependent, melodramatic, or 15. -Got her pregnant No one called him a criminal. Its 100% ok if you cant or dont want to be in that situation. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. Or is she trying to get him to live up to his responsibilities (which he brought on himself when he had unprotected sex and got someone pregnant)? She got pregnant. 1 mth after we got together, he cheated and got a girl pregnant. Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. I dont see anything wrong with his points. Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. April 9, 2012, 12:08 pm. Temperance Yep. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. 50 percent of babies are unplanned, and that includes married couples using contraception. He said this is not gonna ruin us, but Im unsure. Every woman who has given a child up for adoption is, in your mind, an immature asshole. And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters. She didnt roofie him, Chuck. All we know is that she wants to have the baby- maybe because shes prepared to be a wonderful parent. Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. Been there never again! April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. female
But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. Has a great job. Some people are correct that the LWs anger is displaced. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. Please do better. 2. Whos the daddy? In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. She asked what to do with this guy. 5) What bothers me more than anything is the LWs attitude. No, thats the kids money. That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. And to the LW your boyfriend is not the victim in all of this. Now. Its when a mans sperm connects with a womans egg. She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. He sounds like a conceited, arrogant, narcissistic a-hole. They are babies.
9 Feelings Everyone Experiences When They Find Out Their Ex Is - Romper For sure, the guy can't worry about the other gent. Step away slowly. Only a valid argument of youre completely unaware of how babies are made and that birth control does not prevent pregnancy but only reduces the likelihood. Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. Cmon now, youd never buy that argument for forcing the woman to have the child. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. Or could CG be right, and this is all a hoax? RunsWithScissors He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. religiously wear condoms. That way you will know things like what you both agree to do if she gets preggers, and how soon you jettison him if he goes and has sex with someone else ad knocks her up.